I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
