In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
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it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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