The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
my god I love twenty year old dicks
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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