I'm so fucking centered right now
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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