Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
