i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
