i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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