Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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