making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
