Banned from zoo.
Again?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
