Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
