Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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