She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
love makes seman taste better
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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