So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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