Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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