Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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