dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
