He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
