There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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