I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
