I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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