Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Acid is not a monday night drug
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
