This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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