He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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