so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
