I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
