Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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