I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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