...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Never let your siblings swipe right.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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