I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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