Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
