Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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