Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
