yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
