I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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