I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She's the barista slut.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
