If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
