Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
