Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
