Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
