if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
