I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
