I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
