Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i believe in u and ur pee
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
