I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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