i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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