I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
