I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
