Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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