I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
