the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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