I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
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I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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