Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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