And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
