all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
