we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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