Cold hands, warm shart.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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