I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
