Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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