Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
