I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
