And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
