Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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